Everyone from Joe Biden to the NRA are demanding that mental health screenings occur before an individual can purchase their gun, especially if it's some kind of assault weapon. As always, XP is here to answer your call. Thank you for putting me and the mental health field in charge of this complex societal issue. Always happy to help.
Take XP's Online Mental Health Gun Screener © 2013 now to find out if you are qualified to purchase your gun.
You must pass this mental health screening in order to purchase a gun. Answer the ten questions and then press the "Submit" button. See the next section for what to do next. Good luck!
The Vice President and the NRA have spoken. They propose and demand that:
a) you pass a mental health screening before you can purchase a gun; and
b) I better manage your mental health.
If you passed the XP Mental Health Gun Screener, congratulations! Take a screenshot of the results, print them out, and proceed to your local gun dealer to purchase the assault weapon of your choice! Just present the printout to them and it should be no problem.
If you failed the XP Mental Health Gun Screener, I am sorry. You may retake the screening in twelve months.
In the meantime, you need to comply with, and document, the following services:
a) Make an appointment with a counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist to determine your accurate diagnosis;
b) Initiate and follow through with your new schedule of medications;
c) Schedule at least eight formal sessions with the mental health worker;
d) Attend at least four anger management and/or parenting classes;
e) Submit to a home visit by mental health workers;
f) Be tested by a psychiatrist to determine if or if not you will require brain stimulation;
g) Be tested by a psychiatrist to determine if or if not you will require psychosurgery;
h) Undergo additional clinical evaluation by a psychiatrist to assess your highest GAF levels to determine if or if not you will require placement in a group home or institution. If so, the placement may be short- or long-term, depending upon the judgment of the psychiatrist.
Note: most of you will require some form of ongoing case management services/interventions (mo$t people do). That's okay though, you are receiving the best care possible. Most mental health services should be covered through your private insurance carrier. If insurance does not cover the fees, or if you do not have insurance, you may need to find a second source of income.
For the rest of 2015 only, I am offering a one-time special for your mental health care. I will provide options a, c, d, and e listed in the previous section for only $10,000. Contact me to take advantage of this special one-time offer. I am certain that, after taking advantage of this offer, you will be able to pass the screening.
Mention code XPPSYCHSCREENSPECIAL2015 for an additional $10 off!!!
This online mental health screener is copyrighted by me right now, right here (8:45 p.m. PST, Monday, January 14th, 2013). If you want your own mental health gun screener you must obtain permission from me; there will be a fee.
Although this is a free screener, a $50.00 processing fee is due now. Go to the XP Home Page, and submit your payment via PayPal™ (in the right hand column).
The results of your XP Online Gun Screener have been entered into a national database, as per the desires of the NRA.
All I keep hearing is that millions are demanding "mental health screenings" before you can purchase a gun. And I keep hearing that the vast majority of you want mental health to better manage the mentally ill? You do realize that everyone fits into the DSM somewhere, right? And everyone who has a DSM diagnosis is considered to be mentally ill, right? Um, all of you (and I) will qualify as possessing some kind of, um, DSM disorder. Think about that for a second.
Make sure you stay informed regarding all of the newest and late-breaking news related to this important issue so you, as a consumer and citizen, can make informed decisions. I encourage you to do the following:
1) Google™ the term, "Mental health screener for gun purchase." 2,610,000 returns. Read them and think.
2) Contact VP Biden and encourage him to officially adapt my version of this mental health $creener!
3) Contact the NRA and let them know we have finally found the mental health screener they seek.
4) Contact me to get the process started to buy your gun now, baby!
I want to thank you for your extreme trust in me and the others in the mental health field, but maybe you should spend some time reading up on the history of psychology, psychiatry, and mental health? According to the DSM, um, well, all of you are just a bit, you know, in need of some mental health interventions.
As always, I encourage you to be careful what you ask for.
In any event, this is a great money-making opportunity for me and I want to thank you again!!!
As always, I remain way ahead of my time: as far as I can tell, I am the first to develop a mental health screener to determine if or if not you can purchase a gun. It's not researched based (NRA has discouraged any real research) but most or much of what emerges from my field isn't, so that's okay. Keep your eyes open though... there will be many more copycat screeners coming soon and mark my words -- none of them will be free. Go with the original!!!
Please contact me soon. We need to get your diagnosis, sessions, home visit, and medications started.
Free Online Mental Health Gun Screener © 2012-19. XPsych.com. Donald J. Asbridge, Ed.S., Bakersfield, CA. Some rights reserved.